you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
