Barsexuality is the new black.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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