The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
