First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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