Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
