It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
