i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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