Can Purell be used as lube?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
