The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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