Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I believe in your delicious
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
