Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
