So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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