you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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