Don't make out with my wife yet
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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