Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
