At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
