I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
