Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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