guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Are we still banned from the library?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
