i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
