worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
