I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
