Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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