hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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