me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
