I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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