he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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