your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
