at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
