After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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