just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
