She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
