Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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