Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
