i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
