I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
