Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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