I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
