I wish my penis had an off switch
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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