She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
