i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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