We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
