too bad you live with your parents still
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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