He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Randomize
