I love black thongs
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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