happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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