Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
