you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
