So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
