oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
how drunk are you?
Several
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
